Award Presentation Thread: TOUAMB MVP for 2005

[AlohaDawg]

Appreciate your fellow board members who have been nominated as being good citizens and positive contributors to TOUAMB!

[pmcd9]

Thank you AD, very nice for an unprepared speech.  Very nice indeed.  And congratulations to St. Zartan.  Wow, I would have never guessed you to win this category.  I thought Jamie Dunston was a shoe in...  Come back to visit us sometime, all of you wayward board posters, we miss you.

Oh boy, here we go, this is the big one.  The one we've all been waiting for all evening.  he last, but most certainly not the least, The MVP award.  Wow.  To present the award for Board MVP for the year of our lord 2005, we bring on our messageboard daddy once again none other than Gods own Dick himself Jough Dempsey.  Jough, take it away...

~Paul

[jough]

Thanks, Paul.

The Board MVP is like the Best Picture of the TOUAMBIES.  It's an award to celebrate the one individual who has made the greatest contribution to the board, in terms of genuine interest, regular posting of relevant topics worth reading, being an overall great poster, and of course, being able to eat one's own weight in calamari.

The nominees in this category are really ALL fantastic contributors to this board.  In this case, and this case only, being nominated is itself quite an honour.  That we have to choose a single winner out of the field of
excellence is unfortunate, but deal with it, losers.

Here are this year's nominees for TOUAMB MVP:

Arkabee - Ark's posts are less like message board posts and more like free-form jazz.  Ark's post count may not be the highest on the board, but he makes up for it with quality.  Ark's tone-poems and downright hipster reasoning make his posts worth reading, but really we all know he was nominated for his smiling tooth avatar, which he has forsaken in recent weeks.

Bozack - Bozack is like the board's kid brother.  He's the most melancholy of Batmen, has been associated with a 50s icon, and started out his run on this board with a confusing nickname containing letters and numbers which were later revealed to be his address in New York city.  Bozack took his slightly derogatory nick name in stride, and even embraced it.  He clearly leads one of the more interesting lives on the board, and always has a relevant story to match any post.  It doesn't even matter to us that he makes most of it up.

PMCD9 - Paul has more hobbies than anyone I've ever heard of, and has photos to show it.  Some may say that he was nominated here purely for the power of his mustache, but we all know it's Paul's good heart and jovial nature that landed him a nomination.  Paul is also the only nominee to advertise on the board new feed above.  Way to vote-whore, Paul.

Side_Show - If Bozack is the board's kid brother, and Paul is the wacky uncle, then Side_Show Melanie (Smells to those of us who love her best) is our kid sister, posting long stories that touch our hearts and loins alike.

Wombat - Wombat is the only member of this board whom I have met in REAL LIFE, so I have to be careful not to be too effusive in my praise for her and her posts here.  When TOUAMB got its start two and a half years ago I had such a mad crush on Wombat for her charm, grace, and shyness, which she uses all in equal parts to a fine degree.  Wombat is the voice of reason on the board, always calming things down when people's blood gets up, and otherwise helping to maintain a board culture that hardly ever requires moderation.

And now, the envelope please.

The winner of the 2005 TOUAMBIE for TOUAMB MVP goes to...

[jough]

Side_Show!!!

Side_Show has a powerful knack for posting long fascinating stories that are utterly relevant to any current discussion.  Her wit, insight, and heart are developed beyond her years.  As a talented playwright and board regular we will be fortunate to say that we knew her when.

Thusly, it is wholly appropriate that she is the winner of the first TOUAMBIE MVP award.  If she keeps up, we'll surely see her as a nominee next year as well.

Thanks for all of the great reading, Smells. You make my life better and I've never even met you.  Congratulations on your award and know that you are much loved here.

[V-Adore]

Congratulations, side_show! It couldn't have gone to a lovely poster. Or a more Canadian one. Hurrah!

[side_show]

When I went to high school, I went every single day.  I mean every single day.  I didn’t miss a day.  Every year Gr. 9 - 11, I was present, at the end of each year’s awards ceremony, I was presented with a little perfect attendance certificate.  I can’t explain it, but this meant a lot to me.  I think I just loved getting an award with “perfect” on it. 

In my final year of high school I directed a touring sex-Ed play that went around to many high schools in my city with myself and about 12 other classmates going out on these trips to perform the show.  I made sure before hand that we would not be considered absent, as the whole program was technically a school program, and we would miss a lot of school to do these presentations.  I was assured by the principal and VP that we would not be counted absent as these presentations were educational in nature.  Indeed as the monthly attendance reports came in, I saw that I was not being marked absent while on tour, and none of my other classmates were being marked absent either.  Finally, I received my second term report card, and on it, it was noted that I had been absent once from Math.  I looked back on the date noted, and indeed, I and several of my classmates were doing our sex-Ed show that day.  So I went to the office to have this corrected, and the secretary just roooooolled her eyes.  She couldn’t have been more annoyed by good-y good-y me.  She said she’d have it looked in to.  The next attendance report was sent home, and again the absence was there.   The secretary didn’t give a fuck and clearly hadn’t done anything about my concern.  So I went back to the office and this time the vice principal, who was also my English teacher and the one who set up the whole sex-Ed program, was there, and she assured me that she would have it corrected.  And since I pointed out to her that I had not missed a class in the previous three school years, she indeed said “Oh, well if you make it all the way through without missing class, you’ll definitely get a plaque!  I’ll order it myself.”  Now shortly after she said that, I fell ill – no “cough, cough” ill but auto-immune failure ill – I was going through all sorts of scary tests, the C word was mentioned, I was scared, but no one could figure out what was wrong with me.  For whatever reason, I decided that I would not miss school.  I hated being at home with my mentally ill mother, so it was just better to go to class even if I was barely able to stand.  It was my last year, and I wanted to be there.  Also, I wanted the damn plaque.  I wasn’t going on to university, so I couldn’t possibly be up for any other awards.  I hadn’t skipped a single class, even though I was sick as a dog and still undiagnosed by the time finals rolled around, I went to every fuck*ng class.

So cut to the grad awards ceremony.  Lots of my classmates are getting scholarships and stuff and I’m waiting.  I was a top student in my school, but with my health problems and my family issues, I decided to take a year off between university and high school to keep from burning out.  I would have had awards piled on me, but instead I knew I was only up for one.  Then the same vice principal goes up to the podium, and she says “This next award is really phenomenal.   Through four years of class at this school, this award winner did not miss a single class!”  And I’m sitting there, and I can see that the plaque is fuck*ng HUGE, and I’m ready!!!  Some of my classmates are leaning in and giving me the thumbs up…  Then she says “I am please to present the award for perfect attendance to….Grant Heather!”  And I’m all sitting there, and I’m all “WTF?” and I actually feel like I might cry a little, but I just fight it off and I sit there.  Then I get called up for this other special award from the Stone Masons for being artistic.  It was very confusing.  So after the ceremony the Vice Principal comes up to me, and without me even asking she’s all “ I asked Mr. Lindal (my Math teacher) and he confirmed that you did miss the class.” And I’m all “Yes, I wasn’t in class, because I was running the program that you set up.  I was teaching sex-Ed at another school.”  And she’s all “but you missed the class, so you were absent.”  And I respond “No I was on a field trip, just like the other 11 times I was away.  Just like the other 12 students who went with me, who were not marked absent” And then she just looked at me awkwardly.  I wanted to punch her, and really, I wish now that I had. 

I’m still bitter. I still want my goddamn plaque.  But now, the healing can begin.

Thank you those who nominated me, and thank you to jough for making the board, and to the mod squad for the award show and finally thanks to Onstad for making a strip about alive stuffed animals.  It is truly an honour to be nominated.  And to win, well, that's just overwhelming! Thank you all!

[AugustWest]

Wow, you really type fast.


Congratulations.

[V-Adore]

On the one hand, Smells, you got cheated back then. On the other hand, as a high-schooler you got an award from the Masons. That's gotta count for something, right?

[pmcd9]

That was a typically beautiful Side Show post.  Congratulations Melanie.

~Paul

[misterqueue]

SMELLS FOR DICTATOR!



Much love to the side_show.  SO.MUCH.LOVE

[pmcd9]

Well that's it.  Congratulations to all of the winners.  Thanks to all of the presenters.  Afterparty begins NOW!!!  See you next year. 

Goodnight

~Paul

[pmcd9]

The acceptance speech I didn't get to use...

I just wanted to say Thanks to Jough for making this board.  We all owe him a great debt of thanks.  He accepts cash as well.  I'd also like to thank AlohaDawg for thinking up the TOUAMBIES idea.  This has been great fun and I hope we do it again next year.  And of course I'd like to thank all of those who voted for me.  And those that didn't, well i'd like to thank you too for being such great internet friends these past few years.  Oh yeah, and I'd like to thank Chris Onstad for Achewood, the unifying force that binds us all together.  Be kind, be good to one another and yourself, and love life.

~Paul

[arkabee]

yay sideshow!!  i voted for a winner!

boo to arkabee for getting rid of toofy the tooth...